The whole industry of "what should I say first?" advice usually ends with "be yourself" — which is useless. Here are 12 starters that actually work, sorted by what their profile gave you to work with.

If their profile has a clear hobby photo

  • "How long have you been climbing? My last attempt I got stuck on a V2 for 40 minutes and bailed."
  • "Pottery photo is great — was that yours? What's the worst piece you've ever made?"

Why it works: specific, vulnerable, asks a question.

If they wrote a prompt

Reply directly to the prompt. If they wrote "I'll fall for you if..." with "you can recommend a good ramen shop," you have your opener: "Ippudo or Ichiran fans need not apply — what's your real ramen take?"

Why it works: proves you read it.

If they listed a niche interest

"Studio Ghibli fan — settle a debate, what's the best one and why? (No one's allowed to say Spirited Away unless they have a deeper reason.)"

Why it works: niche affinity converts way better than general charm.

If they have a travel photo

  • "Where was that taken? Trying to plan something for autumn and I'm out of ideas."
  • "Was that the actual sunset or did you wait 4 hours for it?"

Why it works: easy reply, gives them a hook.

If they have a pet

"What's the dog's name and what's the most embarrassing thing it's done?"

Why it works: nobody resists pet questions.

If their profile is short / blank

"Either you're mysterious on purpose or you hate writing bios. I'm betting it's option 2."

Why it works: light tease, no judgment, opens dialogue.

If you genuinely don't know what to say

"I read your profile twice and I'm out of clever — what's something interesting that happened to you this week?"

Why it works: honesty + open question.

What to never do

  • Generic "hey" / "hi" / "what's up"
  • A copy-paste compliment about looks
  • A long paragraph on the first message
  • A pickup line, especially if you're not actually funny

The 30-second rule

If you've been staring at the chat box for 30 seconds, you're overthinking. Send a question about something specific in their profile — done.

Better avatar = better conversations. Try Flazle.